You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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