Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
