the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
