I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
