bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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