i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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