I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize