I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
