So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
