I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
