what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
