So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize