idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
