She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
