Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
