i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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