Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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