I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
