9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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