Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
