i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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