She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
