Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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