i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
