when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just had sex on a roof
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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