does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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