I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
