I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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