I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
