well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
