Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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