I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
