You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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