bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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