Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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