SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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