i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
