MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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