so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
