in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
