I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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