Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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