Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
