Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
