The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
