Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
