She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize