Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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