not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
