absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
