she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
