you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
