Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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