I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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