I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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