I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
