Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
