can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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