Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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