I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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