Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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