i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
