white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize