i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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