The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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