Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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