Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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