you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
sex in a hospital.. check
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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