This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
