if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
