We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
