your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
