Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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