I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
