Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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